9/11, Birthdays, Bullshit, Frenemies, Gratitude, and Peace

Well, it’s been a rough week. I know I haven’t talked to you in over  week. Sorry about that fam. September is a rough month. For me it’s filled with many days of joy and pain. Every year I think I’m just not going to make it. Then I remember I’m stronger than that.  Giving up, falling apart, and checking out just are not options in our family. Life is rough sometimes but you play the hand you’re dealt, roll the dice again and keep on going head held high.  If you cry because sometimes you will, never let the world see you break.
If you’ve been on this ride with me since the beginning you already know I’m a proud Army Vet. I served before, during  and after 9/11. I was across the street when the Pentagon was hit. I went to more memorials then I can count. I watched a city I went to college in, a city I became a woman in, a city that had become my hone transferred in minutes into a war zone. I’m not going to even try to explain my feelings about that horrific day. How could I? I used to love to fly. I haven’t been able to even look at a plane without paralyzing fear in 12 years. Usually I don’t turn the Tv on or leave the house on the anniversary.  This year I had no choice. This would’ve been a good year to own stock in Crown Royal. I had plenty. But don’t tell my mom I’m telling you a girl’s nerves were bad.

My birthday was 9/9. An event I stopped celebrating 12 years ago.  The last time I celebrated my birthday was 9/9/01. I was hyped the football season officially kicked off  on my birthday, what could be better than that? Nothing as far as I was concerned, but then the whole world changed, morphed an in many ways ended 2 days later.  Hasn’t seem to be much to celebrate.  This year us different a little late but life is short. I should gave realized that 12 yrs ago, so thus year I’m going to party like there is no tomorrow, because you know what tomorrow isn’t promised.  To make it even better I am Celebrating with one of my favorite cousins, are birthdays are just a week apart. It seems like the best way to get back in the birthday game then with people some of my best memories are with. Happy birthday,  let’s get thus party started. I have a few years to make up  for.

This week has certainly been a roller coaster.  Birthday highs, 9/11 lows, then another peak before another valley, I want ton end on happy note so let’s drive through another of this week’s valleys. FRENEMIES. Every one who claims to be in your corner isn’t.  Better to know you have an enemy than to have a friend or someone you thought was a friend plotting against you. I’m in a positive groove so I’m pretty much done with that, other than to say Bless their souls. Having family from the south you know once an old woman says that she pretty much is washing her hands of their mess and shananagins.

Bullshit drama and dumb shit. I could blog about the things going on in my life right now in these categories forever. But on these things I will make only a couple comments. You may win a battle but I will win the war. I bend, but I don’t break. And your bullshit and negativity will not stop me from reaching my potential or exceeding my goals.  I will  make it because of and despite of my detractors.

No matter how old your children get they still want you as the people who gave them life to remember.  That day should be important to you. I remember the birth of my children even those that were technically never born because of miscarriages.  I love each one of them,  and a day never goes by I don’t wish I could have them in my life. The worst thing a parent can do is forget they gave life. Followed closely by calling your child to say happy birthday when it’s NOT their birthday then cuss them out because you know better then the child when their birthday is. If the child is confused their license will tell. Maybe you should order a birth certificate so you can track,.

Gratitude I’m blessed to be surrounded by love, people who keep me grounded no matter how high I think my star rises. It thankful my mom and brother have never forgotten my birthday.  Love is my greatest gift and blessings.  I’ve found peace. Peace within myself and I’ve let go all of my regrets except one. My life isn’t perfect, but it is mine and I’m going to live it.